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What’s in a name?
 
The naming of kids is a difficult matter
we’re talking about a child’s whole life
it’s not done on a whim or some tittle-tat chatter
it could be a prequel to unwanted strife.
 
First think of a name to use every day
a name that sounds bright, is happy and gay
not names like Dick or Fanny
nothing smutty, strange or uncanny
choose Christian names like Adam or Jacob or Mary
surely these names cannot be contrary.
 
You can’t call them Christian it’s no longer PC
Oh really? For Christ’s sake is that a decree?
They’re just called first names now – I know it’s a bore –
but think of Mohamed – he now lives next door.
 
Of course there are posher names than Jacob or Mary
think of kids like Camilla or Henry or Charles
a parent who scolds them will sound really scary
a bit like a dog when he snarls.
 
Next there’s the name that goes in the middle
As a parent you want a name that’s unique
you know it’s a name that will play second fiddle
but it could be a name that sounds foreign or Greek
Horatio, Hypatia, Ophelia or Zeus
or something that’s similar but still quite abstruse.
 
Contemplate not names like Chelsea or Tracey or Bruce
you just have to listen to hear the abuse
and then there are names that are easily misspelled
names like the following are quite unparalleled:
such as Genevieve or Jenifer with only one N
and Vivian or the more pretentious Vivienne.
 
The naming of kids is a difficult matter
it’s not done on a whim or some tittle-tat chatter
the arduous search for a singular name
is anything but a pleasurable game
so many names sound trite, unremarkable,
even regrettable and utterly forgettable.
 
What’s in a name?
A mask to the world – and who’s to blame?